Dealing with death

Dealing with death is not something I like to discuss or talk about much. Until two years ago I have not really had anyone extremely close to me die. Two years ago I had a very close family friend pass away of breast cancer and although we knew her time was coming to an end it was a very hard thing for me to handle. I try to handle death in a healthy manner but sometimes that is hard to do. I really don't even know what to say about it other than it SUCKS, in every situation its hard to deal with. I know that it is pure selfishness but I hate it when loved ones are taken away from me. I guess when it comes right to it I do realize that we will all have our time, some sooner than others but it will happen and it is a part of life that we must get through.

Stress

On Thursday when we talked about stress in class and to write about it this weekend I thought well I shouldn't have much stress I think Ill be fine!! OH BOY was I ever wrong...to start it off it was my friends birthday Friday so I went out to eat with her and we went to the 10:30 movie (which we did not plan on doing) so by the time I got back home it was a little after 2:00am :( The next day I had planned on cleaning my apartment and doing some homework because my parents would be coming this Tuesday! Well instead I slept most of my day away from being so tired from the night before. Then on Sunday I needed to go to Omaha to do some shopping and I only took my check book, long story short the three stores I went into did not accept checks!!! So I gave up for the day and got nothing done! So last night when I got back home I made my list of ALL the things I needed to get done in the next two weeks, and then I went for a long walk and that seemed to put my mind at peace for a bit. I have found when I'm stressed to take a minute and reflect and go walk or run it helps me burn some of that negative energy that comes along with stress...and that seems to help me!

Anything

This past Saturday my boyfriend and I went to the Nebraska/Oklahoma football game!! WOW what a great game to go to, it was so much fun!! It was such a nice break from Wayne and the worries of homework, classes, registration week...which came far too soon, the worry that I haven't taken the ppst yet and I need to do that within the next two weeks! I have become so stressed out about that stupid test I do not even know where to begin. What I need more than anything is to have a positive attitude on things and that may seem so easy but wow let me tell you when all of your thoughts are negative it is a very difficult task to overcome. Well cross your fingers that I can have a positive outlook on my challenging tasks that need to be dealt with!!

Relationship growth...

This month will be my six year anniversary with my boyfriend... I hate the phrase "anniversary":) We have been through a lot in the last six years and to say it had all been wonderful would be far from the truth, but I would like to think all of the difficulties we have had has made us stronger. I think one thing that we could work on to make us stronger would be to be more open to each others ideas and not be so "hard headed" with the other ones. One other thing I need to work on is to be more trusting, I have a hard time trusting and that gets in the way of having the relationship I want to have. The next time he has an idea I will listen to what he has to say and not shut down his idea.

Hurt...

I'm not real sure what came to mind when I heard about the death here on campus this last weekend. Sadness, confusion, hurt, worried...those are some things that come to mind when I think about this horrible horrible thing that happened. I have known a couple of girls, one my age and the other was a little older. My freshmen year I lived across the hall from a girl who was anorexic, she was in the process of becoming better with the disease. The next fall when when I came back she looked SOOO much better I felt relief that she was better. I can relate to how it feels to not like your own body and to want to do something about it, I'm just not sure what it feels like to go to that extent. I feel so sad for her family and every other family that has to go through this. I wish there was more that I could do to help with the people that have a hard time with this, even if it meant I was just someone for them to talk to! Well for now that's all...I will pray for everyone who is hurting :(

growth....

This semester I have really tried to focus what is important in my life and the goals I want to set for myself. Being a senior and not really being 100% sure what I am going to do after graduation, I have so many things on my mind it has been hard to organize and prioritize them.
I also have been trying to exercise and eat more healthy, but the exercising just isn't happening. Having this class has helped me to start thinking in a positive manner. Sometimes that is not always the easiest thing to do!!

powerful statement

Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are...wow I never knew that this statement could mean so much to me. I often catch myself wanting to change every part of who I am... At some point I lost something about myself that makes me happy I often wish I was like someone else and maybe then I would be happier, not even knowing who that someone is. I am not sure what I need to be happy with the person that I am because I know that I have a lot to offer and I have a great family, have great friends, a boyfriend that I have been with for almost 6 years...which is part of my issue some of the time. Anyways not to get off onto a whole other subject... But wanting to be someone else is a waste, is saying that I have lots to offer just by being myself so don't waste that by wanting to be someone else!

Hmmmm....

well after class I was a little concerned with what was going on...confused, frustrated, and anxious. I am getting use to all the different things we need to check online but I get a little frustrated with them. I took this class become more open and to be able to share my experiences with my peers and not be uncomfortable while doing it. Overall I am doing OK with everything...just getting use to all of the new things!!